Perfectionism - Don't Allow Expectations To Steal Your Joy
Sunday, June 07, 2009
This is a topic unfortunately near and dear to many a heart... Including my own.
I was born into a loving, conservative, catholic family who was loud and at times quite critical. In my youth, I was a nationally ranked gymnast and straight 'A' student, and currently, I function as a wife, mother, physical therapist, and friend. One of the unfortunate ideas I took from childhood is the notion that being a perfectionist is somehow a positive characteristic.
It presents as many different faces, but perfectionism can be summed up as "concrete expectations of oneself and others." This dysfunction results in damage to the mental, social, emotional, and spiritual self. Secondary to expectations, mentally we limit our capacity for creative ideas and potential vision. This limited mental framework often produces rigidity and need for control. Since we all perceive reality from a different set of existing experiences, it becomes clear why excessive perfectionism can devastate relationships.
Perfectionism causes emotional damage because the two relationships most severely affected are between you and God, and you and yourself. Perfectionism, at the very best, puts God second, but if you happen to be a people pleaser as well as a perfectionist, God's position on your list of important people slides even further.
This brings us to spiritual damage. Perfectionism, the locked-in expectations it harbors, internal conflict it feeds, and the shame that results when we do not live up to ourselves says to God, "You screwed up when you created me." There is simply no way around it. When it comes to our relationship with our divine Creator, excessive perfectionism is a squarely placed kick in the teeth.
I continue to struggle with this every day, so I am acutely aware and concerned that I will model and pass this dysfunction onto my children. This personal struggle has facilitated a major fascination with the Two Great Spiritual Laws of Love, and specifically, why the first must come before the second. We are called first to abide in the source of everything, and second to love others as ourselves. Not found in these laws of love is an expectation measuring tape of any sort. There is a reason for this...
Expectations steal your joy, and I do not believe this was ever the intent of existence.
So in the midst of all the striving, we must remember to search the motives of our heart. Who are we trying to impress anyway?
See true perfection at photos by Clark Little
I was born into a loving, conservative, catholic family who was loud and at times quite critical. In my youth, I was a nationally ranked gymnast and straight 'A' student, and currently, I function as a wife, mother, physical therapist, and friend. One of the unfortunate ideas I took from childhood is the notion that being a perfectionist is somehow a positive characteristic.
It presents as many different faces, but perfectionism can be summed up as "concrete expectations of oneself and others." This dysfunction results in damage to the mental, social, emotional, and spiritual self. Secondary to expectations, mentally we limit our capacity for creative ideas and potential vision. This limited mental framework often produces rigidity and need for control. Since we all perceive reality from a different set of existing experiences, it becomes clear why excessive perfectionism can devastate relationships.
Perfectionism causes emotional damage because the two relationships most severely affected are between you and God, and you and yourself. Perfectionism, at the very best, puts God second, but if you happen to be a people pleaser as well as a perfectionist, God's position on your list of important people slides even further.
This brings us to spiritual damage. Perfectionism, the locked-in expectations it harbors, internal conflict it feeds, and the shame that results when we do not live up to ourselves says to God, "You screwed up when you created me." There is simply no way around it. When it comes to our relationship with our divine Creator, excessive perfectionism is a squarely placed kick in the teeth.
I continue to struggle with this every day, so I am acutely aware and concerned that I will model and pass this dysfunction onto my children. This personal struggle has facilitated a major fascination with the Two Great Spiritual Laws of Love, and specifically, why the first must come before the second. We are called first to abide in the source of everything, and second to love others as ourselves. Not found in these laws of love is an expectation measuring tape of any sort. There is a reason for this...
Expectations steal your joy, and I do not believe this was ever the intent of existence.
So in the midst of all the striving, we must remember to search the motives of our heart. Who are we trying to impress anyway?
See true perfection at photos by Clark Little
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